Fabio Capello Baffled By England Failure (World Cup Blogsy)

Welcome to thetalkofsport.com’s World Cup Blogsy. Experience has told us that the World Cup is never short of ridiculous quotes, crazy haircuts, embarrassing celebrations and controversial flashpoints, so we thought it’d be rude not to take a colourful look at some of the funnier moments to come out of South Africa 2010. Sit back, relax and enjoy…

England boss, Fabio Capello admitted he was ‘baffled’ by England’s dreadful World Cup display that saw them win just one game before having their collective backsides handed to them on a plate by Germany in their Round of 16 clash.

Speaking at a press conference to confirm he would be staying on as England manager for reasons best known to himself, Capello said, “It is a mystery. I am baffled. Who could have foreseen that Robert Green was crap, that Matthew Upson and Jamie Carragher had the combined pace of a tortoise on Mogadon or that Shaun Wright-Phillips has no ability to beat a man or cross a ball?”

“I will have to look at it again, but at the moment I cannot understand. Nobody could have predicted that Steven Gerrard can’t play on the left, that Gareth Barry wouldn’t be as mobile as he used to be, playing with a broken ankle or that Emile Heskey can’t score for shit “.

But the Italian coach was most bemused by the form of Wayne Rooney – the bull-necked, prematurely-balding English front man. “It was impossible to know Wayne wouldn’t produce goals in this tournament. Of course, he hasn’t scored for England in 803 minutes over a period of 10 months, but you just assume he will at some point, regardless of the glaringly obvious”.

Capello is thought to be equally bemused by the issues of if bears defecate in the woods and whether or not the Pope wears a funny hat.