Ronaldo Tear Ducts ‘May Need Op’ As Portugal Crash Out (World Cup Blogsy)

Welcome to thetalkofsport.com’s World Cup Blogsy. Experience has told us that the World Cup is never short of ridiculous quotes, crazy haircuts, embarrassing celebrations and controversial flashpoints, so we thought it’d be rude not to take a colourful look at some of the funnier moments to come out of South Africa 2010. Sit back, relax and enjoy…

In the wake of Portugal’s 1-0 defeat at the hands of Spanish side, Spain, last night in their Round of 16 clash, fears are growing that Cristiano Ronaldo may need an operation to unblock his tear ducts, a doctor has revealed.

Speaking after the game, a medic said, “We noticed a distinct lack of blubbing or even minor weeping from Cristiano, following Portugal’s loss last night. He’s a well-known cry baby and generally manages to shed tears when things don’t go his way – if not during the game, then at the very least when he’s walking off with his hands on his hips”.

However, with a camera tracking his walk to the tunnel, doctors became increasingly alarmed when Ronaldo was forced to eject his build up of tears through his mouth, in the general direction of the hapless cameraman.

The medic explained, “It’s a widely-researched phenomenon that when a self-involved quitter can’t cry via the normal tear duct route, the sufferer is forced to eject the saline droplets via his mouth in a mucous ball, which can sometimes be misconstrued as petulant gobbing by an immature twat, to the untrained eye”.

Ronaldo, who spent the majority of the game standing near the touchline looking for anyone to blame but himself for his team’s unimaginative display, was under observation last night, with doctors showing him images of Jose Mourinho being unveiled as Real Madrid manager, in the hope of unclogging his malfunctioning ducts. However, should this treatment, known as ‘exposure therapy’, be unsuccessful, then it’s feared the greasy-haired diver may have to go under the knife.

Meanwhile, Spain will go on to face either Japan or Paraguay in the quarter finals. The game between those two sides is believed to have finished some time yesterday, but everyone had either gone home or switched off their TVs long before the end with the sides locked at 0-0, so the result is yet to be ratified by FIFA.