ITV ‘Furious’ As Beglin Describes Action (World Cup Blogsy)

Welcome to thetalkofsport.com’s World Cup Blogsy. Experience has told us that the World Cup is never short of ridiculous quotes, crazy haircuts, embarrassing celebrations and controversial flashpoints, so we thought it’d be rude not to take a colourful look at some of the funnier moments to come out of South Africa 2010. Sit back, relax and enjoy…

ITV Sport chiefs were in lengthy discussions last night, following Jim Beglin’s determination to describe the action rather than just bang on about Africa yesterday, following South Africa’s goal in the opening game of the 2010 World Cup.

ITV’s main commentator for the game, Peter Drury, was also said to be unhappy at Beglin’s contribution, with sources close to the adjective-fixated mic hog saying, “Peter had taken 18 months to prepare his script for that goal, even looking up an African sounding word to shout out. He was obviously disappointed that Jim Beglin butted in with a description of the goal, when all Peter wanted to do was scream ‘Bafana Bafana’ a lot, mention it being a country of contrasts and maybe even give Nelson Mandela a name check.”

Beglin, who was unavailable for comment, has fallen foul of his employers before, when deciding to summarise the penalty awarded to Portsmouth in the FA Cup Final, rather than just wittering on about Portsmouth being in free-fall, calling it a potential upset to end all upsets, and how Avram Grant would be given the freedom of Portsmouth, if Prince Boateng were to score, which he didn’t.

ITV executives, who had also sent various terrified-looking reporters into townships to watch the game in a completely unpatronising way, now have to decide if Beglin should keep his job for the remainder of the tournament. But it seems likely he will be replaced by footballing idiot, Andy Townsend, should Beglin continue to describe the match action, instead of talking about joyous Africans, mentioning the incredible atmosphere and making like people constanly blowing vuvuzelas is enjoyable, rather than finding them as irritating as having a head full of wasps.

An insider said, “It looks like Beglin will be sent home, as he’s just not getting into the spirit of ITV’s approach of going way over the top about the country because we’re a bit scared of looking racist if we say anything negative. His decision to describe Tshabalala’s goal and the move that led to it is likely to be the final straw.”

“At least you can rely on Townsend to talk inanely about Africa in an uneducated manner, rather than talk about the game itself”.

A decision about Beglin may have to be delayed until after England’s opening game against USA, as Townsend is currently in a rather unconvincing studio in London, so would have to be flown out to South Africa. However, it’s expected that ITV bosses will speak to Beglin before the match and make it absolutely clear to him that he must talk about 1966, Gazza’s tears and Beckham’s red card, rather than the game itself.